Today in 3 Panels, by Dean Mang-Wooley

Dean is on the main floor of their house. They hear their dad yell from the basement: "Something down here just REEKS!" Dean goes down to the basement and thinks: "I don't smell anything." They smell their own underarm and think: "Maybe it smells exactly like me."

Reek

Sep 17, 2008

Dean is watching the news with their family. Panel 1: the newscaster on TV says: "Large Hadron Collider..." Panel 2: The TV shows a simulation of what would happen if a black hole opened up on Earth. The Earth's crust is crumbling and the core is exposed. Panel 3: Close up of Dean's face. They are sweating with fear.

Doom

Sep 10, 2008

Dean is in their back yard, using a hose to spray water onto a pile of dirt. Dean thinks: "My only goal right now is to turn this pile of dirt into a pile of mud." There is a close up image of the water hitting the pile of dirt, followed by a close up image of Dean's head. Dean's eyes are closed, and their mind is empty.

Pre-housesitting meditation

Aug 7, 2008

Panel 1: Dean walks down the alley near their house and looks at the graffiti on their neighbours' garages. They think: So many vandalized garages. Panel 2: Dean puts a piece of paper in a neighbour's mailbox. They think: "I'll offer to paint over it and give them my information! Panel 3: Dean is at home, looking at the phone with a very worried expression, thinking: crap crap crap crap...

Vandalism

Oct 6, 2008

Jordan and Hannah are sitting together in their liing room. Hannah says to Jordan: "If you're bored, you should do something. We could dress up in silly costumes and clean our rooms!! We could pretend to be superheroes!"

Superheroes

Aug 26, 2008

Panel 1: Dean is taking a shower. Panel 2: Dean is out of the shower, putting on their clothes. They think to themself: My clothes smell like sour dandruff. Panel 3: Dean looks up, sniffing the air. They think: The whole house smells like sour dandruff.

Reek II

Sep 25, 2008

Dean is talking to their coworker, who is also named Dean. Dean says: "Hi Dean." Dean responds with: "Hi Dean." A third coworker joins them and says: "Hi Deans."

The Dean Team

Aug 18, 2018

Dean and Jordan are talking to each other in their living room. Dean says: "imagine if cats had hands like ours." Jordan replies: "Ew." Dean says: "Or! Imagine if they had faces like ours, but everything else was the same." Jordan replies: "No!" Dean imagines a cat with a man's face and says: "Just imagine it for a second."

Cat hands

Aug 29, 2008

Dean and their dad are at Value Village, looking at a trophy with a country's flag printed on it. Dean asks their dad: "What country's flag is that?" Their dad replies: "Taiwan." Dean asks: "How do you KNOW this stuff?" Dean's dad shrugs and says: "I don't know!"

Value Village

Sep 13, 2008

Dean is talking to a customer outside of the cafe that Dean works at. The customer says to Dean: "You have very prominent eye-teeth." Dean replies: "Yeah, they've been that way for a while." The customer then asks: "Can you see your own reflection?"

Prominent eye-teeth

Jul 8, 2016

Dean is sitting across from their friend David in a restaurant, holding their wallet in one hand. Their wallet is bulging with receipts. David says: I love your fat wallet. Dean says: I can't make it any thinner. David says: Those are load-bearing receipts.

Fat wallet

Jun 1, 2018

Dean is at the cashier's desk at an art supply store. Image text reads: "At the art supply store, I suddenly began to pass out. As the room shifted around me, I sank to the floor in a cold sweat. The clerk was good about it." The clerk says to Dean: "Are you hiding?"

Fainting in the aisles

Aug 6, 2008