Today in 3 Panels, by Dean Mang-Wooley

Panel one: Dean's brother Jordan belches loudly, making a grotesque face. Panel two: Jordan makes a face and says: "ugh." Panel three: Jordan says: "I've been belching non-stop ever since I ate that sausage sandwich." Text at the bottom explains what a sausage sandwich is: "2 full sausages between 2 slices of bread."

Sausage sandwich

Aug 19, 2008

Dean is talking to their mom on her birthday. Dean says: "You are 48 years old. How do you feel?" Dean's mom says: "Old. My sister didn't get to be 45."

Birthday blues

Oct 13, 2008

Dean, aka Rita, describes what they observe at a church service. Image text reads: Staring at what looks like malignant melanoma on the neck of the woman in front of me. Listening to a surprisingly beautiful rendition of Ave Maria on the trombone. Watching a flash of light dance in time to the music.

One Sunday in Melville

Aug 3, 2008

Dean and their dad are cleaning in the basement of Dean's old school. Panel 1: Dean's dad holds a plastic bag in front of his face and says: "Qu'est-ce que the hell est this?" Panel 2: Close up image of the plastic bag's contents. A dried-out, moldy piece of fruit. Image text reads: "Maybe it was a mango?" Panel 3: Image of a table with a large stain on it. Image text reads: "After a year or so in the school's basement, its juices had coagulated into a dark brown tar on one of the tables."

A mystery

Aug 21, 2008

Dean walks down a residential street, looking happy. Suddenly, they look a little worried. Image text: "I walked home without shoes. As soon as my feet touched the cool concrete, I felt a sudden electric surge of joy. Until I realized I was walking down the wrong street."

Barefoot bliss

Aug 16, 2008

Dean is on the main floor of their house. They hear their dad yell from the basement: "Something down here just REEKS!" Dean goes down to the basement and thinks: "I don't smell anything." They smell their own underarm and think: "Maybe it smells exactly like me."

Reek

Sep 17, 2008

Dean and their dad are cleaning in the basement of Dean's old school. Panel 1: Dean's dad holds a plastic bag in front of his face and says: "Qu'est-ce que the hell est this?" Panel 2: Close up image of the plastic bag's contents. A dried-out, moldy piece of fruit. Image text reads: "Maybe it was a mango?" Panel 3: Image of a table with a large stain on it. Image text reads: "After a year or so in the school's basement, its juices had coagulated into a dark brown tar on one of the tables."

A mystery

Aug 21, 2008

Dean's mom is serving the family a casserole. She says to Dean's dad: "Be careful of the casserole...It's got a lot of--" Dean's dad interrupts and says: "Nails?"

Interruption

Sep 6, 2008

Panel 1: Dean walks down the alley near their house and looks at the graffiti on their neighbours' garages. They think: So many vandalized garages. Panel 2: Dean puts a piece of paper in a neighbour's mailbox. They think: "I'll offer to paint over it and give them my information! Panel 3: Dean is at home, looking at the phone with a very worried expression, thinking: crap crap crap crap...

Vandalism

Oct 6, 2008

Dean's family is eating dinner together. Dean's dad says: "Dad had a stroke..." Having not heard him, Dean's mom says to Jordan: "Could I have some of your gravy, Jord?" Dean's dad looks down at the table and says: "Never mind."

Stroke

Sep 12, 2008

Dean is sitting across from their friend David in a restaurant, holding their wallet in one hand. Their wallet is bulging with receipts. David says: I love your fat wallet. Dean says: I can't make it any thinner. David says: Those are load-bearing receipts.

Fat wallet

Jun 1, 2018

Panel 1: Close up image of Dean's left hand. Lightning is striking the area in between Dean's thumb and forefinger, symbolizing pain. Panel 2: Dean is looking at their hand. Dean says to themself: "My thumb-pit is burning." Panel 3: Dean hods their left hand with their right, looking worried. Dean thinks: "spontaneous combustion."

Chili peppers

Aug 28, 2008